Potluck Dinners

The 70s were different.

My wife and I often discuss hospitality-related topics during dinner and one that came up the other day was potluck dinners. Dinner parties as a whole seem to be on the rise, at least, that’s what it seems like to us. Growing up in the '70s and '80s, I bore witness to my parents' various attempts at entertaining and remember most of them were stressful and yet highly entertaining at the same time. The stressful part was my mom feeling like the house had to sparkle and glow. She would scrub and scour for at least a week out and often exiled my brother and me outside so she could clean without us messing about. The day before the dinner, she would start cooking. Even though these weren’t potluck dinners per se, everybody always brought something. So my mom would just make a few things, but my mom was an obsessive cook (reminds me of someone) and wanted to really impress everyone. There was usually something Puerto Rican ( for my father), some kind of chicken dish, and a dessert, usually a Jello mold of some kind. I don’t know why, but Jello made with shredded carrots inside was very in style, I didn’t get it then or now. I tried it once and vowed never to do so again, no matter how much Cool Whip you put on it. The Jello with canned fruit cocktail, however, was a favorite.

But it was always interesting to see what other people brought to these get-togethers. Some people weren’t great cooks so they brought chips or soda. I actually preferred that as a kid. My job was to put the chips and dip in a serving vessel reserved for special occasions. It was a lime green glass bowl, shaped like some kind of flower, with a smaller version for the dip, it was a set. Anyway, I got to dispense the chips and thus ate half a bag before they even made it to the bowl. The dip was always French onion, which I loved, but once in a while, there was bean dip (which I did not approve of). My mom’s friends would bring pasta of some kind, usually baked mostaccioli with meat sauce (another favorite). Rice-a-roni was another favorite, tuna casserole, green bean casserole, salad ( just a wedge of iceberg), sausage & peppers were all pretty popular. My Puerto Rican relatives would often stop at a restaurant and bring pernil, pasteles, or morcilla (blood sausage for my father). My mom would arrange everything on our dining room table, and everyone would help themselves. There wasn’t a lot of liquor; my parents weren’t big drinkers, but someone always brought a bottle of something. And there was always one person who drank a bit too much and would make things awkward for a bit. There was a family friend that brought a bottle of wine, proceeded to drink it all, and then she commented to everyone there how good-looking my father was. It was awkward, especially when she threw up in the backyard. My mother didn’t seem phased by any of it and I remember her packing up leftovers for her to take home like nothing had happened.

It seems like people are rediscovering dinner parties, which I think is a good thing. My parents did it to be social, but also because it was a lot less expensive than going to a restaurant. We were broke most of the time, although as a kid I didn’t really know this. It was also a way to build community. It was a way to get to know your neighbors or build deeper connections with your friends. It also gave me a deeper appreciation for my mom’s cooking, her food was always the best, most of the people said so. At the time I didn’t think of my parents as regular people, they were my parents, but in a social setting, it was enlightening to see them interact with other people. My mom was funny and charming and always had a kind word for everyone even though later she would gossip like crazy. My dad was the strong silent type, but had this sort of magnetism, when he did speak you paid attention. He could be outspoken when it came to politics, he was a die-hard Democrat and would let you know it if you mentioned the news. He would talk a lot about how hard the working man had it, and he was definitely pro-union. He would often watch the news and talk to the TV screen muttering to himself how no one cared about blue-collar people. I didn't know what he was talking about at the time but now I sure do.

What are the necessary ingredients for a good potluck dinner? To be honest I’m not entirely sure. I would say food is secondary and the people you invite are more important. Conversation is key to a good dinner party so inviting a mix of different kinds of people is key. Making everyone feel welcome is also something my parents did, even if some guests proved problematic. They understood hospitality meant sometimes dealing with difficult situations and usually handled them well. Case in point one my mother’s friends was not a very good cook and she would always bring something that was close to inedible, yet they always thanked her and made a show of eating her dish and telling her how delicious it was. This usually fell to me and my brother, we had to eat everything and tell everyone how great it was even though there were times we felt like spitting the food out. When I would complain, she told me something I still tell try to keep in mind today. She would tell me “Mark, be nice. “ My mom summed up hospitality in a couple of words.